


for one he strays and forever he stays

by catprints



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Fluff and Angst, M/M, Soulmate AU, a quite complicated au that i cant sum up well without spoilers apparently slfjkdns, but mostly angst as the story progresses consider yourselves warned, side mentions of woochan/changlix/minsung
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-30
Updated: 2019-07-21
Packaged: 2020-05-31 00:02:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,753
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19414243
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/catprints/pseuds/catprints
Summary: In the world that Kim Seungmin exists, love brings color to one’s existence just as death gives meaning to life. People don’t age some time after they turned 20, forever young and brilliant until they are able to find their fated person to treasure and grow old with. A mysterious yet magical flow has always managed to draw those individuals closer one way or another, be it puppy love in high school or a hundred year of waiting and yearning just to meet in the least expected circumstances.(alternatively, a Soulmate AU in which Seungmin did not want to die just yet so that others can live.)





	1. tampered threads

**Author's Note:**

> so i've started writing this since the beginning of march but i figured if i posted it here slowly i'd have more motivation to actually finish it. the au is stray_space's idea and i owe my thanks to her and my friends who provided me with feedbacks. unbeta'd and a bit of a mess but dkfshdflh hope you'll enjoy it

Prologue

In the world that Kim Seungmin exists, time isn’t really an issue. Roughly the first 25 years of his life was spent sweating over green grasses, running and batting and pitching until the passion of youth was no longer there to keep him going as he said goodbye to his once cherished teammates. In the next few years, Seungmin developed colorful mementos out of black and white films, seeing life through camera lenses, feeling sentimental at the sight of a couple of newlyweds’ shy smiles and dyeing his mood a translucent blue like a winter day’s early morning rain. Imagining almost every possible thoughts and emotions embedded into different pieces of photographs excited him, he was practically a craftsman giving other people’s memories a physical shape and form, after all.

The problem probably lies in the fact that time isn’t really an issue. When people outlive their memories, less important pictures are no more than empty reminders of what happened once upon a time that can never be recalled again. A waste of space. Items to be discarded.

Maybe Seungmin wanted something more.

.

In the world that Kim Seungmin exists, love brings color to one’s existence just as death gives meaning to life. People don’t age some time after they turned 20, forever young and brilliant until they are able to find their fated person to treasure and grow old with. A mysterious yet magical flow has always managed to draw those individuals closer one way or another, be it puppy love in high school or a hundred year of waiting and yearning just to meet in the least expected circumstances.

And then there are those who don’t have much expectations for this so-called ‘magic’.

.

.

After taking a break from photography, Seungmin decided to study hard. Physics, chemistry, biology, calculus, things that were extremely difficult but rewarding when he pulled all nighters and powered through coffee and energy drinks to get the results he (and his upper-middle class parents, really) wanted to get. The overwhelming attention from his family and hundreds of his peers caught him like a deer in the headlight when he stood on the podium. Researching, designing drugs, testing and evaluating and analysing efficiency with teams of scientists eventually became his new way of life, nothing could have made him happier than to help ease and erase diseases so that people could live happily and comfortably. Life was good, all was well and he hoped it would continue to be for a long time.

///

1.

Seungmin found himself in front of the bookstore that he usually went to. As he pushed the door, the familiar scent of paper and ink and a clear ring of bell welcomed him. Everything was just as how he remembered except for a little smile from a really attractive person with dangling silver earrings and a silver cross necklace that he had never seen before.

“Welcome, can I help you with anything?” Said attractive person had just finished putting a couple of books on the shelf in front of him before properly turning to face and greet Seungmin.

He froze for a good three seconds before clearing his throat. “Oh, just here to browse the blind date shelf. Most of the time I got a good read so why not continue to push my luck and see when the streak ends.”

The employee, nametagged Hyunjin as he quickly glanced, let out a dramatical tiny gasp. “I see, sorry I was just a bit surprised. I’ve had my fair share of experience and missed pretty hard most of the time.” He hurriedly led Seungmin to a small display of books wrapped in brown paper and neatly tied with strings, head cocking to the side as if trying to think of what to say next.

“I’ve read some of these to write the descriptions on the front, would you like a recommendation? Not say that you’d definitely like what I suggest of course, it at least gets a pass in my standards.” Hyunjin didn’t really wait for Seungmin to answer before brushing his fingers across some of the books then finally grabbing one that was labelled ‘Superheroes in action. A mission gone wrong, a missing partner. The past should be impossible to change but the whole of the truth has yet to be discovered.’

_That was cryptic as hell_ , Seungmin thought. He wouldn’t expect that someone like Hyunjin would be able to write a description like that based on the way he talked and the vibe he gave off in general, let alone recommending such an angsty-sounding book. It somewhat captured his interest nevertheless.

“Alright, I’ll try it then.” The brown-haired employee gave him a nod and a small curve of lips before taking the book to the counter.

“...Also I’d demand a refund from you if it wasn’t as good as I thought by the way.” There it was, Seungmin’s more devilish side got the better of him. He just had to make this person’s job a bit harder for his own entertainment, then again Hyunjin looked like he could take a joke or two.

“I’ll give you your money back _and_ my phone number as well.” He said nonchalantly while handing Seungmin a paper bag with the book he chose inside. Seungmin internally choked ‘cause _as if I wanted your number you cheeky ass_ before returning to his normal state. Hyunjin was probably just retaliating.

Bag in hand, he walked out of the store to yet another ring of bell. Out of the corners of his eyes he could see the same brown-haired staff playfully waving his hand with a grin on his face.

///

Three knocks sounded on the door before an assistant of Seungmin’s lab let herself in.

“Sir, sorry to interrupt you on your break but we need you to come right now.”

He lifted his eyes up from the book that he was reading and hastily placed it on the table, a bookmark neatly tucked inside. He had never seen the girl in such a state before; she was out of breath and her hair was messier than usual but it probably meant that whatever problem they needed him for was either quite serious or needed to be resolved quickly.

He took a deep breath and followed the assistant in quick steps.

///

From what his co-worker had told him, the customer’s name was Seungmin and he usually came once every one or two weeks. He had a registered membership with his date of birth, email and phone number all up in the system, the staffs all knew him pretty well and he was actually a nice person despite being ‘playful’ once in a while so Hyunjin had nothing to worry about, they would definitely see each other again.

“What if he came when it wasn’t my shift?” Hyunjin pouted.

“Then you just wait until another time, what else can you do?” One of his co-worker put his mug down the counter and raised a brow.

“But that’s like, a whole other week and I really want to hear what he thinks about the book.” He continued to whine. “But wait. He was frowning a bit when I said that I’d give him my phone number. What if he thought that I was a self-conceited prick? Did I blow it up? What should I say the next time I see him now?”

Another co-worker, nametagged Felix, lightly hit Hyunjin’s head with a book that he was holding and rolled his eyes. “Stop worrying you dummy. It’s not like any of us put wasps in his book or something, the guy will come back so how about thinking of ways to get to know him better with the time you’ve got?”

The other employee gave Felix a thumbs up and Hyunjin sighed in defeat. They all resumed to what they were originally doing, with Hyunjin wrapping more books and writing more descriptions for the blind date shelf.

.

.

As if prophesied, Hyunjin jolted from his seat when he saw a familiar figure at the door of the store. Seungmin seemed a bit tired, his face more tense than the first time they met but he still flashed Hyunjin a small smile and a little nod when their eyes met.

To Hyunjin’s relief, his customer seemed to like the book he recommended. This time he introduced Seungmin to a short story about a boy who wanted to search for the four-leaf clover with his friends and the journey of growing up, something light and nice that would hopefully ease whatever that was on his mind. The shorter man also grabbed another book with Hyunjin’s handwriting on it and a plain notebook.

(He scanned the three items, fingers a bit shakier than usual.

_Would it take him longer to come back now that he has two books to read?_ )

Before Seungmin exitted, the store assistant called out to him.

“Hey! Uh…, the others told me that you’re a regular of the store. If you’d like to spend some of your time off to talk about novels and stuff I can babble over coffee or lend you a few of my favourites to read."

Seungmin paused for a moment.

“…Yeah, maybe we can do that one day.”

Hyunjin flashed him a bright smile, his eyes twinkling with so much happiness that Seungmin got a bit flustered. He made a beeline for the nearest train station after they said goodbye to each other, the heat on his cheeks lingering for a while.

/// 

Seungmin saw Felix standing in front of his apartment 6 minutes earlier than their agreed meeting time from the peephole on his door. His back had been killing him in the past few days but he didn’t particularly like the idea of going to a massage parlour, hence knowing Felix who had a few years of (learning) experience up his sleeves was truly a light in the dark. Felix told Seungmin to lie down on the massage bed that they unfolded in the living room and took out two bottles of massage oil from his bag.

“Which scent would you like today, coconut or lavender?”

“Lavender, please.”

Seungmin took a deep breath to let the mellow scent fill his lungs while Felix pumped some oil onto his hand. The warmth of the oil on his back and the masseur’s movements slowly erased the damage that the past week at work had on him. No more running around in the lab and staying until late to monitor and discussing the patient’s condition with nurses and doctors and other researchers, only muscles being revitalized at that point in time.

“It’s been what, some months since you last called me to do something like this right?” Normally he wouldn’t talk unless the client spoke first but since it was just Seungmin, Felix started the conversation.

Seungmin spoke from closed eyelids, brows slightly furrowed. “It wasn’t too bad until recently to be honest. Something happened that required a lot of my attention. And my brain cells. And my body.”

That was the best and probably the only way he could phrase it in that moment, he thought. Firstly because it was supposed to be absolute confidential information, and secondly, he neither wanted to scare Felix nor risk the possibility of accidentally enabling a third party to spread news about a person’s death from a strange, undetermined cause. In fact, he should focus on relaxing instead of letting his mind get into work mode again after everything that had happened.

He opened his eyes and caught a glimpse of a familiar paperback with his second favourite bookmark neatly tucked in.

“Say, what kind of person is the new employee at the bookstore? Hyunjin, I think?”

Seungmin noticed the pressure on his back feeling slightly different in a split second when he asked. Felix seemed a bit taken aback.

“Well… He’s a likeable person and his drive to learn is insane. I actually recommended him to apply to the bookstore since we knew each other before and he wanted to earn some extra cash. He’s also well-mannered and gets smiley easily, the store has definitely been busier with him around from the number of customers he attracted.”

“He looks ethereal, yes, but I feel like he’s flirty with everyone he meets and that’s not really good in the long term?”

Felix let out a laugh.

“No no, I swear I have never seen him being like that with anyone before. Maybe he’s just interested in you.”

“What is even interesting about me?”

“How you have all these Day6 posters and make that weird ‘geuaaaa’ sound despite spending most of your days doing difficult bio-chem stuffs in the lab and being held responsible for a lot of things perhaps.”

Seungmin glared at Felix who had a grin plastered on his face while massaging on his left, his lips pouted into a straight thin line. Sure that one could consider him to be quite ‘old’ but liking Day6? Truly therapeutic. Probably the only decision he hadn’t regretted since his teen days.

“Anyway, that still doesn’t really sit well with me. I didn’t feel anything when I saw him so we can’t be soulmates, and if we aren’t soulmates then what’s the point of all that… flirting?” So he said, but when he thought about it again maybe wanting to have a book discussion over coffee wasn’t really flirting. Maybe his ego was just big and he overanalyzed it.

Felix pumped some more oil onto his hands then walked to the other side. “I’m not him so I don’t know, but isn’t it normal to want to get closer with someone you’re interested in? A lot of people date non-soulmates before they find the right person too, not necessarily for fun but to fill the loneliness and to just have... someone.”

Kim Seungmin never explicitly mentioned it to anyone (he had no occasion and more importantly, no reason to), but ever since he breathed how many years ago again he had never been in a relationship. He coped with life through amusing himself with Changbin whining about his inability to crack eggs without dropping some shells into the bowl and not set fire to himself while he cooked, let alone being able to a homemade meal with Felix (most of those were just Changbin making the easy stuffs while ordering the rest online or asking his mom or sister for help anyway), having meetups with Chan and Woojin (mostly in restaurants because Chan was always hungry), teasing Jeongin over stories of how overtly enthusiastic kindergarteners were with him or giving his lab assistants random surprise quizzes. Seungmin hardly had anything considered interesting enough to tell people anyway since he was always working on projects that most of the population didn’t understand, it was just him in his own world of photography, home-cooked eggs and Day6.

Maybe he needed more friends as of now.


	2. freesia

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> surprise surprise i changed the fic's name because reasons and uploaded this early so that i can stop worrying about how ba d chapter 1 was!! this was actually quite fun to write despite being short and things will finally progress in chapter 3 so please do anticipate!

2.

After ordering and paying for both his latte and Hyunjin’s Americano at the counter, Seungmin saw a table for two next to the window and gestured for the other to sit down with him. He could feel at least five pairs of eyes staring at his back like they could throw him out the window right there and then to sit across Hyunjin and have a chat about who-knows-what; maybe this was why he was never too close with any popular kids back in the days, in retrospect.

They both settled down and Seungmin took a moment to look around the cafe while Hyunjin was rummaging through his bag. The walls were nicely decorated with oil paintings and there were glass jars with flower branches on top of every cabinet and table. The cafe itself was not super crowded compared to its size and the music was at just the right volume for people to have a conversation with each other.

Their drinks came when Hyunjin finished putting a stack of books on the table. There was also a single paperback placed separately from the stack.

“I don’t really know what you like so I brought a bunch of short stories of different genres today. Talk to me about anything or just make yourself comfortable and enjoy the books.” Hyunjin flashed his usual bookstore employee smile then took a sip from his drink. 

Seungmin looked over the stack of books then spoke. 

“We came all the way here already so I feel like we should at least talk about... something...” 

Oh my god that was kind of even more awkward than when he blurted out the demanding-a-refund-if-it-wasn’t-good thing when they first met at the store. Maybe if he started sending telepathic signals to one of the girls who were staring at him to possess his body or really throw him out the window and take over the conversation right there and then everything would be perfectly normal again. Though instead of pleading for help from a stranger, he glanced at Hyunjin, then the little cherry blossom branch in the jar on their table then the layer of frothy milk on his latte, all the while thinking about what that ‘something’ to talk about should be. 

(When Seungmin briefly looked, Hyunjin seemed like he was struggling to come up with a topic too.)

“So… What are you currently doing? As a job?” To Seungmin’s relief, Hyunjin broke the silence.

“Oh, I’m a medical scientist. Investigating diseases, viruses and designing drugs, stuffs like that. And you?”

Hyunjin softly hummed, eyes fixated on the cup of coffee that he was stirring.

“Aside from the whole bookshop thing, I sometimes model and take part in dance competitions. Sounds way less interesting compared to you to be honest.”

Seungmin thought otherwise. He didn’t know how long Hyunjin had lived, but what he said reminded him of when he was still searching up the internet to dig up just about any kinds of photography gigs, be it modelling, advertisements, birthdays or other special occasions. The fond memories he made with his friends on the baseball field came back at the same time; the rush of adrenaline when he ran as fast as he could to the base and how the sound of his rapidly beating heart was drowned out by the cheer of others all resurfaced with such a simple sentence like magic. He did not think what Hyunjin did was any less valid than him being in the lab, as long as Hyunjin liked it and was serious about it.

“So you’re a multitasker with a wide range of interest. That’s not something anyone could do.” Seungmin nodded to himself while sipping on his latte. Some of the foam clung onto his upper lip and he quickly licked it off before dabbing the corner of a piece of tissue over it.

Hyunjin coughed then went on to talk about how Felix was in the same dance crew with him and that Minho, the leader, would always make everyone do obscure versions of their choreographies and upload them to Youtube to gain views. The Youtube channel probably had more cat vlogs and cat-related content than actual dancing anyway so ‘please don’t look it up just go find other entertaining animal videos instead’. Seungmin would laugh and said that one time he accidentally spoke in a nasal voice when he was giving a presentation in a scientific conference while roughly fifty people were listening attentively and all staring at him. Conversations flowed with the initial awkwardness long gone, then suddenly Hyunjin jolted from his seat and let out a gasp.

“Oh, I forgot to show you something!”

He hurriedly shoved the books on the table back into his bag then grabbed Seungmin by the sleeve of his coat, leading him up the stairs of the cafe to the second floor. Behind a small wooden gate that led to a big room were dogs running around and barking at the sight of them: first came a cream-colored chihuahua then a big white Samoyed, an orange Pomeranian, a big Husky and a trotting black pug with eyes as big as marbles. Hyunjin let Seungmin went in first and all the dogs immediately surrounded him, tails wagging and tongues lolling out. The Husky and the pug clung onto Hyunjin and demanded his attention instead after Seungmin picked the little chihuahua up and started petting it in his arms, his eyes crinkling. 

Unfortunately, Seungmin’s moment of pure happiness lasted for only about two minutes when the dog suddenly tried to lick his cheek. He flinched, the weird ‘geuaaaa’ sound that Felix mentioned coming out reflexively. Hyunjin had a laughing fit at both the sound and the situation that was unfolding before his eyes, then he scooped the little chihuahua from Seungmin’s arms into his, saying that it reminded him of his own dog (‘but much friendlier, Kkami has never tried to kiss me before’).

( _ He really gets smiley easily huh,  _ Seungmin thought _.) _

Once Hyunjin sat down on the floor, the chihuahua escaped while three other dogs dashed towards him. The big Husky that had been following him since the start emerged victorious as it placed two front legs onto his chest before the others could get as close to him then frantically tried to curl itself in his lap. Ticklish as he was, Hyunjin kept on giggling and squirming around whenever the dog moved. He luckily fell back onto a seat pad on the floor as his limbs gave out while the dog had shrunk into a fluffy ball of black and white resting on his legs. Seungmin came over and tried to approach the Pomeranian that was nuzzling on his friend’s arm but the dog suddenly growled at the sight of him. He was so offended and hurt that he started barking back at it, but the dog didn’t even care and trotted away to play with other customers instead.

After petting and playing with every single dog on the second floor for awhile and noticing the time, Seungmin and Hyunjin headed downstairs and decided to wrap it up. They stood at the sidewalk outside the cafe and looked up at the sky for a while.

“Welp, there goes our book discussion.” Seungmin said, his hair now a ruffled-up mess.

“I know right.” Replied Hyunijn, sighing while running his fingers through his hair. “Still, it’d be a waste if I bring all these books back right? You should at least pick one to bring home with you.”

He opened his bag and Seungmin reached in, grabbing one at random. It was the paperback that Hyunjin separated from the stack of short stories, coincidentally the same one its owner had been reading and was going to continue to read should Seungmin choose to immerse in books instead of initiating awkward conversations.

“It’s okay, you can keep it.” Hyunjin laughed and waved goodbye as they walked in opposite directions. “Don’t spoil the ending for me though, I haven’t got that far yet.” 

///

.

.

.

Seungmin only ever wore contact lenses when he had to meet people in non-formal settings. At work and at home, he preferred wearing glasses. 

One night when he came back from the lab, pressing the code to his apartment and letting the door slam itself shut behind him, he went straight for the curtains and opened them instead of turning on the lights as he normally would. The living room was dimly lit by the faint glow of faraway street lamps, offices, restaurants, boutiques and convenient stores, just enough for Seungmin to make out where things were around him.

He turned on a random channel on the TV, set the volume to 12, took off his glasses then completely crashed on the sofa with his head leaned back and eyes closed.

( _ Maybe I should order something to eat. I’m so tired I don’t even want to move. _

_...Schedule another massage appointment with Felix? Probably won’t help much. _

.

.

_ People die all the time and you know it better than anyone. _

_ You’re not in a position where you can solve problems just after a day or two. It happens, try again and everything will be okay _ .)


	3. monsoon season

3.

The last time Hyunjin met with Seungmin was a little more than a month ago when they went to that small cafe in the alleyway. It was all very strange and new to him, he knew that the other would be very busy but didn’t they have a lot of fun together that time? Did seeing each other not matter as much to Seungmin as it did to him?

His eyes fluttered open, then he squinted at the brightness of the lights in the studio.

“Hyunjin. I know that hot and sexy is our concept, but what’s with that scary look on your face now?” Minho was sitting on the floor to monitor everyone’s movements, so Hyunjin probably stuck out like a sore thumb.. 

“Sorry hyung, I kind of got distracted.” He scratched his head shyly at the lame excuse he came up with.

“Youths these days.” Minho frowned. “Also Felix, you went half a beat faster in that part so make sure to pay attention. Again!”

Everyone in the studio went back into position as their song played from the beginning. Sure that their leader could come across as harsh at times, but Minho was, in fact, one of the most caring people Hyunjin had ever known. Even the scolding he’d just received probably did not have any harsh feelings to it; Minho was always the one joking around and being endearingly mean to his members and in return everyone loved him, after all.

When their practice session ended, Hyunjin came over to the older man.

“So, what’s been bothering you?” Minho asked while drinking from his water bottle before Hyunjin even said anything, as if he just somehow knew exactly what was going on in his dongsaeng’s head.

“Well… Just some relationship problems I guess, nothing much to worry about to be honest.” 

Great, he chickened out. In Hyunjin’s defense, it might not be the best idea to ask for advice when the situation he had in mind was ‘there is someone I like but I don’t know if I creeped him out since I have the feeling that he had been trying to avoid me but I really want to go on another date with him’. Minho gazed at him softly then gave him a pat on the head.

“It’s okay, you don’t have to tell me. Relationships are weird anyway, just look at Jisung and give me one reason why I shouldn’t deck him.”

Jisung was just coincidentally walking into the studio and totally heard all of that.

“What the hell, you pig? I’m here to pick you up after my gig and this is what I get??”

Minho rolled his eyes and childishly mimicked what Jisung said while flinging one arm around the other’s shoulders and pulling him closer anyway, a soft smile slowly spreading on his lips. Hyunjin might have outwardly cringed.

“Sorry but you guys are so sickeningly lovey dovey that I might have to take some days off to recover from the mental trauma.” He dramatically scrunched his face and stuck his tongue out in disgust.

“Go ahead, just don’t come crawling back to me wondering why you were kicked out of the team without notice afterwards, foolish mortal.” Minho deadpanned while his partner just burst out laughing while giving him a punch on the arm.

“We’d better get going though, else we won’t have enough time to eat before the movie starts.” Having noticed the time, Jisung dragged a flailing Minho out of the studio without forgetting to say goodbye to Hyunjin and the other dancers in the studio. Hyunjin waved back, finding them ever so entertaining.

_Wait, a movie?_

///

First of all, stupid Hyunjin forgot to exchange numbers with Seungmin so he had had been staring at that-certain-someone’s membership details on the bookshop’s database for a while now. Second of all, after blanking at the screen for about ten minutes to draw out all different possibilities and making his coworkers mildly concerned about him, Hyunjin came up with a somewhat decent plan to arrange another meeting. He would send an email with the store’s address to notify Seungmin of a one-day super discount offer (which would last from the beginning until the end of his shift that day) (which Hyunjin would also have to open his wallet and pay the store back later if Seungmin actually came and bought something), pray to a wide variety of religious deities for that person to take the bait and appear in front of him again, then ask that person out for a TV streaming session of the movie adaptation of the book he lent him that day at his house. If all worked out well maybe he would kneel in front of Lee Minho and Han Jisung and smooch their shoes (cause _feet are overrated_ , he thought) as thanks for inspiring him to execute said plan.

And so there went Hyunjin’s carefully crafted email. There was no need to put up a reminder for when his fabricated super discount day would start; no way he would forget about the nervousness, excitement and expectations to see Seungmin again, and having to anticipate what was to come when it would be solemnly written on his phone would just cause his heart to burst and his mind to go haywire every time he came across it.

He was a nice person that lived a good life, and seeing Seungmin again was one simple wish. It was natural that it wouldn’t be too difficult for all the religious deities he prayed to to tinker with fate and grant him such a thing (or it was just the fact that Seungmin, a sensible book lover as well as a financially smart person who had also been immensely stressed for the past few weeks, would want to get out of the house to get some fresh air and go buy things that could help him wind down).

When they spoke to each other again at the cash register, Seungmin simply accepted Hyunjin’s invitation with no questions asked. If anything, his customer went the extra mile to suggest that he would bring something for both of them to drink and eat, to which Hyunjin said two small bottles of soft drink or something of the sort would be enough and that he could take care of the food instead, he was the host of the house after all. No correlation with Hyunjin hating a lot of common vegetables and fearing that he would lose his cool when Seungmin found out that he couldn’t eat green onions whatsoever.

Not only did Jisung and Minho’s (accidental) reminder of a good excuse to ask Seungmin out saved him, but the times that they had been to the supermarket together to throw self-made food parties for the dance crew also turned out to be a vital part of making what he had in mind an even more proper date. Screw dietary plans and nutritional values, he wanted something comforting and in large quantities (just in case Seungmin was a big eater). 

While Hyunjin was cruising through the supermarket aisles, he paused in front of the dairy section. He heard that milk could help ease the feeling of spiciness, so just in case Seungmin couldn’t handle spicy food, he grabbed a carton and put it into his cart stacked with packs of tteok, cabbage, chili pepper paste, fish cakes and yubuchobap kits.

The air outside was so much nicer than the smell of frozen meat and miscellanea inside, so as he stepped out with bags of groceries in hand, Hyunjin made sure to take a deep breath. Tall buildings and clouds may had obstructed the stars, but he could feel that they were still up in the sky, shining just a bit brighter than usual, waiting for the right time and the right place to come to reveal themselves to him. 

His expression softened, a small smile spreading on his lips. The cool night breeze caressed his cheeks and ruffled his hair.

///

In his defense, first of all, Seungmin rarely ever said no to other people. Second of all, he admitted that it was quite fun when they last hung out together and lastly, he could really use a break; things were going nowhere, and reaching out had always been harder than having someone pat you on the back and offer their hand to pull you out of the slump and distract you with other things in life through semi-forced interaction that you brought onto yourself, even though you didn’t know what to expect.

So there he was, standing in front of the door to Hyunjin-the-bookstore-employee’s apartment with a bag of cold drinks from a nearby convenience store. Just a few seconds after he pressed the doorbell, Seungmin could hear intermittent barkings and the sound of footsteps inside. The door swung open and the apartment owner came out with his (still) beautiful bare face, at his feet a small dog silently staring at both of them with big round eyes before disinterestedly trotting back in. 

“Seungmin! Come on in, just make yourself at home and wait for me for a bit. I’ll go get the food out.” Hyunjin took the bag of drinks from Seungmin then put it on the table in front of the sofa as the other man stepped in and closed the door behind them.

His place wasn’t as big as Seungmin’s, but it felt nice and cozy. Perhaps there was something about the smell of homemade tteokbokki wafting through the rooms, the sight of a plate of fried tofu rice balls with some having more or less fillings than the others already on the table in front of the TV, polaroids of Hyunjin and other people on the wall ( _oh? Felix was in one of them too_ ), the little dog prancing back and forth as if it couldn’t decide whether it liked its owner or not, the Apeach plushie that was randomly tucked between the books on a wooden shelf, or the sofa that was smaller but softer than the one he had in his apartment that made everything so safe and welcoming, as if it were a refuge from the outside world made, by chance, for him.

Hyunjin came out of the kitchen with a plate of food on one hand and some utensils on the other. Seungmin took his coat off and temporarily draped it over the armrest to come and help the taller man bring out two cups, a small carton of milk (which Seungmin really appreciated; he couldn’t handle spicy food too well) and some tissues.

“Oh, I’m really sorry about the lack of coat hanger.” Hyunjin cocked his head slightly as he saw Seungmin’s coat while putting two medium-sized bowls on the table, they were pretty much done setting up at this point. “I’ll just put it over a chair in the kitchen to make more space for you.”

Seungmin sat down and poured the drinks as Hyunjin went back to the kitchen and dimmed the lights a little bit (‘ _for the cinematic effects_ ’, he said). The flat owner comfortably threw himself next to him and fiddled with the remote for a bit to get the movie started. 

As the opening theme played on the TV, Seungmin flinched. 

“Oh yeah, you know Day6? The entire soundtrack was produced by them. I don’t listen to them that often but their songs are so nice.”

Of course the music would be nice, it was the band Seungmin lived and breathed since his teen days after all. He glanced at Hyunjin who was nodding his head and making tiny gestures as if he were doing a little dance while he himself was feeling an urge to sing out every single syllable of the lyrics like he used to do sometimes when he was in a good mood, except the mood hadn’t gotten to that level yet. Besides, every great song needs a choreography, and Seungmin had a lot of embarrassing muscle memories associated with Day6’s in particular. The last thing he wanted to do was to be a full nerd in front of Hyunjin when he had a reputation to maintain as an accredited figure in the medical field. 

“Yeah, I liked them a lot when I was young.” His expression softened as he spoke, then he reached his hands to grab a rice ball and give it a taste. The tofu was sweet, soft and juicy while the mixed rice inside was more on the salty side, creating a nice balance. 

“Thank you for the food, this is really delicious.” Seungmin swallowed his first bite without forgetting to give a compliment to the one who made it. Hyunjin seemed pleased, he took a clean spoon and scooped some tteokbokki and fish cake into Seungmin’s bowl and asked him to try it too.

The next hour and a half went by with the movie playing on the screen among munching noises, Seungmin jolting slightly whenever the soundtrack came on and yelling ‘no spoilers, I haven’t read anything past this yet!’ maybe a bit too loudly, Hyunjin sobbing and wiping his tears at the dramatic plot twist even though he already knew what was going to happen and Kkami curling up next to Hyunjin then leaving him alone time and time again. As the credits rolled, Seungmin complimented on how the movie captured the details of the book quite well (to the extent of his knowledge) while the other agreed through tiny sniffles, his nose red and eyes puffed up. All the food was gone while there were still some drinks left in their cups, and while the flat owner insisted that he should clean up by himself since it was his apartment, Seungmin was already carrying neatly stacked plates, bowls and utensils straight to the sink.

Hyunjin pouted as he threw the tissues into the trash can. “I have a very particular way to stack my dishes by the way.”

“Go rearrange them afterwards then.” Seungmin rolled up his sleeves and got right to work.

While his guest had soaped their bowls and put them into the smaller sink separated from where the rest of the dirty dishes were, Hyunjin came over and turned the tap on to start rinsing. Having two people always made cleaning up quicker, but when things were cleaned and stacked and hands were washed, it was actually getting quite late. Kkami saw Seungmin standing awkwardly in the kitchen and quietly trotted towards him. The dog scanned him from head to toe with great curiosity, tail wagging as if it knew he was going to leave. At that moment, a huge thunder tore the sky, echoing across the then silent apartment. Kkami jolted up then scurried straight to its bed in the corner of the living room. 

Seungmin didn’t think that a twenty-percent rain forecast that he saw in the morning would turn into a full blown thunderstorm raging outside.

“That doesn’t look too good.” Hyunjin said as he closed the balcony door.

Seungmin took a deep breath, the gears in his head started to turn. He didn’t bring an umbrella with him when he left home, Hyunjin obviously had at least one, but even if he borrowed an umbrella there was no guarantee that it wouldn’t be busted in such weather, not to mention it would be quite a walk from Hyunjin’s place to the nearest train station then from his train stop to the apartment. Potentially he coul-

“How about you wait here until the rain stopped? Or, well, if it doesn’t stop, just… stay.” 

Hyunjin was only a footstep away from him before he noticed. He stood still with both hands tucked inside the pockets of his track pants, staring at Seungmin with an unreadable expression, making the other’s heart pound nervously. 

“Right. You’re right. We’ll see how it goes.” He gulped.

And how it went was exactly how he’d hoped it wouldn’t have. Hyunjin played with Kkami for a bit while Seungmin sat on the couch, giving a go at one of the books on the shelf. Later Hyunjin would go into his room to take a white shirt and another track pants out to head to the shower. The brown-haired man came out when his guest had already put down the book to find something interesting to watch on the TV so they sat together and browsed through whatever to pass the time: first a music show ( _new idols these days are so talented_ , they thought), then five minutes of a drama series (it was already near the end when they came across it) and somehow the session ended with a documentary on Korean history before it was ten thirty and still storming. 

The thing was, Seungmin couldn’t hide his tiredness anymore. Hyunjin saw how the shorter man was nodding off a bit when they were watching the documentary, so he gently tapped him on the shoulder and asked if he’d like to take a shower before calling it a night. While Seungmin was still stuttering about how he didn’t have anything to change into, Hyunjin was already striding into his room once again to bring out some clothes and a clean towel. He placed them into Seungmin’s lap then urged the other to get up from the couch and go before it was too late.

Seungmin let the warm water wash away his fatigue, the sound of little droplets hitting white bathroom tiles mixing in with the distant rumbling of thunder and the more aggressive downpour outside strangely soothing. How he ended up rinsing off layers of foam that clung onto his body in the apartment of someone that he barely knew, he did not know. What that person wanted out of all the things that he’d done for him, he did not know either. 

The shirt that Hyunjin gave hung loosely on Seungmin’s frame as he put it on, and as much as he tried not to think about it, the shower gel that he used had a really nice and soothing scent. He shook his head at the thought that it was practically ninety percent Hyunjin’s scent, and that they practically smelled the same at that point and come back out to the living room. Hyunjin got up from the couch then came over as he saw the other, taking the towel draped over Seungmin’s neck and ruffled it over the shorter’s hair to dry off the wet tips a little bit more. Across the room, Kkami was already sleeping inside a little dog house; its chest rising up and down steadily.

“Thank you, but I can do it myself.” Seungmin took the towel back from Hyunjin’s hand, shaking off more water particles for a few seconds before hanging in on a drying rack.

“I’ve been meaning to ask, but…” Hyunjin spoke after awhile. Seungmin turned around to face him as a low rumble of thunder cut across the pelting rain. “You don’t hate me, right?”

He blinked, round eyes staring back at the other.

“No, not at all. Why would you even say that?” 

Hyunjin’s ears turned pinkish red as he scratched the side of his head. “Seungmin, ever since we’ve met at the bookshop I’ve been trying to get to know you better. If you think that things are going too fast and if anything I did made you uncomfortable, we can take it slow.”

A slight frown formed on Seungmin’s face despite his efforts to maintain composure. 

(What on Earth was he on about. Why would ‘they’ be taking anything ‘slow’ if there was nothing to begin with?)

Hyunjin continued, a little bit more rushed than before. 

“You disappeared for an entire month, and this might sound really stupid but if anything, as your soulmate, I want to be there for you. It’s not because of any obligations attached to how we are supposed to be whatsoever either, we can be friends and take our time until both of us are ready. All I’m trying to say is that you have me now, and the last thing I want is to force you into playing lovers and being chummy just because of something as dumb as a mere title.”

Seungmin did not really catch what Hyunjin said after he finished the first sentence. 

“I’m sorry but you are my _what_ now?” He stressed each syllable that rolled out of his mouth. The entire situation felt like a joke, and Seungmin was more than ready to storm out into the rain depending on what Hyunjin had to say next. Hyunjin, on the other hand, was as taken aback as much as Seungmin looked annoyed, face as pale as a sheet.

“You didn’t feel anything at all when we first met? When we were at the cafe and even when you showed up in front of my apartment?” His voice shook like that of a kid after being scolded.

“Was I supposed to feel something, or is this how you get people to sleep with you using your pretty face and some sweet talk?” Seungmin snapped. Normally he wouldn’t use words that sting too much but at that point he just felt utterly stupid; it was embarrassing that Seungmin agreed to go on that coffee date and got himself into this whole mess without a single thought about how having someone hitting on him in the first place did not make any sense to begin with.

In fact, maybe he shouldn’t have taken Felix’s advice. 

Hyunjin’s face fell. Tears were beginning to well up in his eyes, but he simply sighed and shook his head. “It’s not what you think it is.”

Okay, Seungmin might have overreacted a bit but since there was no harm done and this was obviously not what he signed up for, he thought that it was probably a good time to go. The shorter made a beeline for his coat, but before he could put it on and head for the door, he could feel Hyunjin’s firm grasp was on his back. Seungmin turned around to face Hyunjin, whose smooth brown locks were then a disheveled mess. His watery eyes glistened the way the silver earrings clinging softly to his ears shone as they swung back and forth, the soft gaze that Seungmin was familiar with at that moment no more than a desperate gaze.

(Disarrayed, but still as beautiful as when they first met.)

Hyunjin wordlessly pulled Seungmin into a hug. Seungmin had neither strength nor the humor to fight back, so he halfheartedly shook off the other’s arms in an attempt to break away. Instead, the grip on his waist and back tightened, and since Hyunjin was much stronger than the other, Seungmin eventually gave up on struggling. Hyunjin’s hands burned where they touched, heat passing through the fabric of the loose shirt that Seungmin was wearing, clouding his mind with smokes and ashes of the ruins created.

Seungmin wanted to run away from it all; into the empty whiteness of the downpour so that nothing could burn him, back to the comforts of his lonely apartment where he could at least be safe and dedicating his life to helping people instead of giving too much of himself to just one person.

And they would continue to stand like that for awhile before Hyunjin suddenly pulled back and planted a kiss on Seungmin’s lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow that was a chunk of stuffs that happened. this chapter thus ends the weekly update (?) since my writing speed is that of a turtle and i've been having trouble trying to do the au justice with my shit expressions :c i'm ending with a cliffhanger cause i can but i swear things will start to make more sense after this and we're finally getting into the juicier bits of the au so do stick around for the next update mwehehe


	4. awake

4.

Time seemed to stop when Seungmin felt soft, plump lips brushed against his. His heart was strangely heavy, sinking like the first drop of a rollercoaster, throbbing as if Hyunjin were going to crush it in the palm of his searing hand, twisting and wrenching even more as he felt wet tongue sliding in and going deeper.

_ It hurts. It hurts so much. _

Seungmin let out a moan then pushed Hyunjin away with all the strength he could muster. He dropped to the floor like a puppet whose strings had just been cut, clutching his chest with one hand, gasping for air, pulling at the leg of Hyunjin’s pants with the other.

He looked completely pathetic.

Hyunjin swooped down and held the panting Seungmin in his arms, completely dazed. He repeatedly mumbled something along the lines of ‘Seungmin I’m sorry I’m so sorry why is this happening please say something please tell me what to do’, which the shorter couldn’t even hear clearly anyway. Seungmin could, however, feel Hyunjin squeezing his hand and rubbing circles in his palm and how his head was slightly bobbing to the fast rising and falling of Hyunjin’s chest amidst everything.

He weakly squeezed back as the pain slowly diluted. Hyunjin wasn’t lying; Seungmin knew then that their hearts beat the same pulse and the feeling of seeing Hyunjin’s tense face relaxed a bit was somewhat akin to that of seeing a loved one return home again after years without news of their whereabouts. It was fresh and new, nothing like having your favourite food after a long day at work or the fun of a drunken banter with some good friends in a house party but rather a thrilling flash of hope after years of wandering in the darkness alone.

“Hyunjin,” he called out, testing the name anew on his tongue. “I’m so sorry for everything that happened so far and for what I said to you, I was...”

“Don’t worry about it.” Hyunjin shook his head with a forced smile as he helped Seungmin up, clearly still somewhat taken aback by the misunderstanding. “More importantly, are you feeling better? We should call it a day, maybe some sleep would help.”

Seungmin nodded, trudging slowly next to Hyunjin with his arm across the older’s shoulders. He scanned the homeowner’s bedroom as they entered - the place was clean, simple and much less decorated than the living room with just about the bare necessities needed to rest and sleep. There was a picture of Hyunjin and his parents on the wall above a small table with a mood lamp, a wooden manikin figure, laptop, and a few scattered notebooks on top. A spacious bed halfway covered by messy unfolded blanket laid between a big white drawer and small closet, which amused Seungmin with the thought that Hyunjin probably saw no need in bed making whenever he got up. Hyunjin had also seemed to realize the critical error in the arrangement of objects in his room as well, scratching his cheek and sighing to himself, but he decided not to sweat the small details and focus on the situation at hand instead.

“I hope it’s not too uncomfortable for here, but it’s the best option right now and you need to rest. I’ll be outside on the couch if you need anything.” Hyunjin said after he helped Seungmin sit down on the bed, and he really was going to walk away had the other not held onto his wrist and pulled him back.

“Hyunjin,” Seungmin took a deep breath before continuing. “I meant it when I said sorry. I think I’m beginning to understand what you said about the feeling you get when soulmates see each other now, because I... didn’t have the same kind of emotion when I first saw you. It was as if I was meeting yet another normal person, and then when you did what you did back there everything burst open and so many things went on in my mind and I just--”

Hyunjin placed a finger over his lips, letting out a small ‘shush’ then patted Seungmin on his head. “I get what you’re trying to say, I’m just relieved that you don’t think badly of me. Let’s save this conversation for another day, you should rest up for now.”

“Then,” Seungmin called out, “it would be fine if you stayed here with me right? I want to know more about you too. Let’s start over properly, this time, for sure.”

Hyunjin might have had to wait a bit too long for his soulmate to be on the same wavelength as him, but the words he heard gave him wings and sent him over the moon in a heartbeat. On the other hand, Seungmin might have been a bit too oblivious to both his and the other’s feelings, but at that moment he simply scooted over to the other side of the bed to let Hyunjin climb in and lie next to him. They were facing each other, still a distance shy of a touch of hand underneath soft blanket, the sound of rain trickling down the window filling in unspoken words.

For the first time ever, Seungmin’s gaze lingered on Hyunjin like how he used to admire the stars when he was young - fluffy brown hair, glistening eyes, adorning little moles, delicate collarbones; all the little details that he found so inexplicably charming yet surreal since stars weren’t meant to be plucked from the sky and yet Hyunjin was so close, too close to him at that moment.

For the first time ever, he understood what it meant to be bound by fate. 

///

Seungmin didn’t know whether Hyunjin had work that day or not so he tried to wake the other up anyway, firstly by calling his name to see if he’d at least respond with a groan then moving onto arm poking, cheek pinching and shoulders shaking but none proved to be effective. He sighed in defeat and instead went into the bathroom to splash some cold water into his face; freely roaming Hyunjin’s kitchen and waltzing to the fridge without permission to make them both breakfast when the other wasn’t even up was probably not a wise choice at that time anyway so he took a small napkin and grabbed the only pen on the bookshelf to scribble a small note then headed out quietly.

Hyunjin woke up an hour later not to the sight of Seungmin but Kkami lying flat on its stomach, its tail wagging slightly in response to the owner’s movement.

“Did you chase Seungmin away? You’re really unfriendly sometimes, you know that?” He teased with a laughter, scooping the dog up in his arms and burying his face into the fur of Kkami’s head. 

As he carried Kkami out to the living room, Hyunjin saw Seungmin’s note lying on the table in front of the TV. The dog jumped to the floor as he bent down to pick the napkin up.

“Hyunjin,

I’d like to at least say goodbye to you but I still need to go back to my house and get to work later. Here’s my phone number if you need to contact me, please let me treat you to something nice next time since I couldn’t make you breakfast today :(

Thank you for being patient with me,

Seungmin.”

After that day, Seungmin and Hyunjin would try to make a habit of spending time with each other at least once every week. Sometimes they would have dinner in a local restaurant while talking about how their day went and filling their stomachs with delicious food, other times they would go to the cinema and comment on how good the acting or the plot was or regret buying tickets to a movie that fell under expectations, having picnics by the river, or going to the arcade feeling like little kids all over again. It was more or less the same as when they first hung out together, there was never any explicit conversations about how they were supposed to act around each other nor the confirmation of their relationship. If anything, it would just be Hyunjin holding onto Seungmin’s hand every now and then and them both sitting with their shoulders touching in silence - small gestures that were mostly initiated by Hyunjin that Seungmin did not refuse, an ambiguity that they were both comfortable with.

Eventually, Hyunjin noticed that he was the one who told Seungmin more about what was going on in his life and received way more support than he had given the other. He had tried to ask and find out why Seungmin always seemed a bit tense from time to time, but everytime he did Seungmin would give a general answer without any specific information while telling him to wait until he could talk about it. It confused Hyunjin, sometimes even upset him, that he couldn’t do anything to ease the worry that would sometimes slip and show in Seungmin’s eyes or manifesting as the awkwardness in his laughter when he thought that they were both just having fun and being in the moment. 

At least until one day Seungmin texted him to watch the evening news, and as he stressed, ‘promise you won’t miss it’.

When the alarm on his phone went off, Hyunjin changed the channel from the drama that he was watching with Kkami to the national news. Seungmin was on the screen a few minutes later along with who Hyunjin presumed were his colleagues as all of them were wearing white lab coats, a stern expression plastered on each of their faces.

“Currently we still aren’t confident enough about the indicators of the disease nor the likelihood of contracting it, but the number of mortalities have pushed all of us in the medical field to continue with our endeavours and to collaborate across all specialties. We have also received several reports from other countries which described the same autopsy findings as our cases thus far, therefore it might be high time to announce that...”

Hyunjin grew cold as Seungmin concluded,

“...South Korea is in the face of an epidemic. In the worst case scenario, a pandemic is on its way.”

The screen was showing bits and pieces of a patient being loaded into an ambulance by various paramedics as demonstrations, but to Hyunjin everything was blurred into bright flashes of colors.

Ever since Seungmin came to the bookshop to get more things on the blind date shelf, when he suddenly disappeared for an entire month, when there was always this  _ something  _ that he kept for himself while putting up a front and making Hyunjin thought that he was just a bit indifferent and aloof and cold as a person in general--

.

Tears kept falling down his cheeks, but Hyunjin knew he shouldn’t be the one crying. How had Seungmin felt all this time, he wondered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i still have no idea what i'm doing. please forgive me for i have sinned.


End file.
